• Jasmine Nelson

A Teen Dealing With Hirsutism-Harman Awal

I’m 18 and fairly new to this world and society standards and how according to them, we all have to live up to. I’m a Sardar Sikh girl from India which apparently makes me more prone to facial and body hair since my ancestors have them a lot.

In school, our uniform was frocks up till knee-length, and never in my life, I realized that I had excess body hair. But then I got promoted to 6th standard and we grew up. A girl around me started talking about periods and crushes and all that teenage stuff. And as a curious teen girl, I started looking at every girl’s legs. They were smooth AF. No hair whatsoever. Some had but little. I’m seriously not lying if I say that I couldn’t find even a single girl who had body hair like mine. My arms were like a man’s and so were legs. It was a jungle out there. I asked my mom how come they have smooth legs and not me. Even my brother’s legs are smoother than mine. She told me that it’s okay. Everybody has genes and it all matters body to body. No one was made the same. But as a highly insecure teenager, I was determined to shave them. But my mom didn’t allow since it would make hair grow sharper. And for 11-12-year-old child waxing was a big no. So one day, I saved $2/₹120 and bought myself a hair removal cream. My mum was out to shop. I was alone and I removed all the hair from my legs. Kid you not, it was entirely a new life to my life. I could not believe that those smooth legs were my real without hair legs. I was barely 12 years old and that excited me to hell. I went to school the next day, socks a bit down, skirt a bit up sowing off my legs to everybody I see. But ahan, just for 1-2 days cause hair came back literally after 2 days. I guess 2 would be a lot so let’s make it 1.5 now from where do I save money and get me another pack of that cream and redo it? From nowhere.

So I didn’t go to school the next day. Slowly slowly, I fully stopped going to school when I had to wear skirts that were on Friday and Saturday. Because I was just so embarrassed and insecure about the fact that all of the girls and I were different. Maybe that was too hard for a 12-year-old child. Oh yes, did I told I had mustache too? It went on like this for the next four years until my 10th standard. I didn’t go to school regularly hence my studies were affected. I was feeling so insecure about myself, my looks that I stopped interacting with people. I used to hear girls talking about how boys flirt with them all the time and I didn’t have any boy like that. Which made me think that maybe I’m not beautiful enough. I didn’t take part in competitions and just became an average child to whom no one would talk to. I don’t know why I’m getting emotional but ya. That was my school days. (I don’t know what you call it in America like a sophomore or anything like that. Sorry)

As a highly insecure child, I changed my school for higher studies after 10th standard. I made myself a promise that I won’t just sit behind. I would make friends. I would talk to everyone. I would be the most extrovert person people would know. And I’m lucky to have achieved that. I had so many amazing friends in high school. And I found the love of my life though it’s just been three years but still, I love calling that, lol. We fell in love. And he loved me for all who I am. But I didn’t show up to him when I was hairy and was not waxed. I didn’t pick up his video calls when I had grown a mustache. Basically we were just phone buddies when I was not hair-free properly. And he asked me one day and just like today, I told him everything. And how I’m insecure about my looks and hair. Although he told me that it doesn’t even matter to him that I have more hair than him, he loves for who I am as a person. He has given me so much confidence and strength that I literally have no words for. And I would always be grateful to him for that. But until recently, I am still insecure and still have anxiety when people see me for the first time. In fact, I deactivated my Instagram because there are so many beautiful girls out there that I compare to. I feel jealous and defo not happy about me.

Anyways, let's just talk about this whole lockdown thing. Since there was a lockdown, salons were close. That means I would be growing out of my hairy legs and arms and mustache. So even though we were in long-distance, I didn’t pick up his video calls. I would always say that someone is around or so. He asked me what’s the problem since I am changed just now. So I told him in a funny way that I won’t pick up his calls since I’m growing mustache and he would feel jealous. He didn’t laugh. He scolded me that seriously? Your mustache is more important than seeing me? And I actually felt terrible. That no it was not. Only I made it so. I don’t know why I'm so insecure about my body hair even though I know that people who love me don’t even care about it. And I don’t know when I’ll come out of it, hopefully soon.

Deep breath, that was it. I’m still fighting with it and I know it won’t end up soon. Yes, it is affecting and I don’t know how to overcome it. Maybe one day I’ll go for laser but even that is short-termed. Idk. Let’s hope for the best.

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-Harman Awal

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